Prayer is Whose Ambassador ?

This evening, Father Francis Ilano began the meeting by sharing his journey of how God called him to the priesthood.

Father Francis:
I’m the Associate Pastor St. John Vianney. I was born in the Philippines. I attended high school and then came here in 1987. I was born in Manila. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in computer engineering. I altar served in high school with the seminarian who worked in the parish. There was only one priest in the parish. Everyday I would pass by the rectory and see the priest and the seminarian hanging out. I thought to myself, I have got to hang out and see what they do. When I was in high school, I was thinking about what to do. I was playing with the idea of the priesthood with my best friend.

In college, I heard that my friend was really sick. He had this amazing conversion experience. He entered the seminary and was discerning. It got me thinking about the priesthood once again. However, I made an economic decision to go into the field of engineering. I went back for my master’s in computer engineering at CAL State Long Beach. While at going through school, I got more involved in my home parish of St. Bernard. One time the alter server trainer said, “Can you help train altar servers?” When she left, I ended up training the altar servers. Eventually they asked if I would help with lector training. So, I got involved in both. I was spending a lot of free time in church anyway, so the priesthood would not be too much of a next step. I brought it up to my parents. They were totally against it! In my experience, Filipinos support vocations as long as they are not in their families. Other people’s families are okay. J So, I started to discern privately with the discernment group at St John’s Seminary. I had all these vocation books in my car. One time my mom needed a ride. She put her stuff in the back seat where I had my vocation books. That’s how my family found out I was discerning.

While discerning, somebody told me “as long as doors keep opening, keep going through them…” While I was in the seminary, I kept thinking…They are going to kick me out…I don’t pray as well as others. I like Star Trek and Disney… others are on their knees and I am watching DVD’s!

I went through first and second year theology. I did an internship at St. Joseph’s. Still, I kept thinking that they were going to kick me out. Someone said that one of these days you have to decide if you are going to be a priest. I decided I wanted to be a priest. It gave me peace and made me happy.

I was ordained 2 ½ years ago. Father Paul and I were classmates. Throughout all of my schooling I had very competitive ethics. Engineering is a competitive field. In seminary I carried the same competitiveness. Father Paul said, “We are all in this together…in the Church.” I became more collaborative. It was not about grades…it was about the pastoral experience…about God. That is the mode I have been operating with. I got ordained June 4, 2006 with Father Paul.

Roses:
How did your prayer change once you knew you were going to be a priest?

Father Francis:
My prayer became more honest. I used to pray, “God everything is good.” Once I got used to the fact I that I wanted to be a priest, I was honest with God whether I was angry or whatever. I would say, “This is your gig!”

John:
How did your pop culture change?
Father Francis:
It hasn’t changed much! (Lots of laughter in the room!) In seminary we snuck out of meetings to watch Gilmore Girls on Tuesday nights. (More laughter!)

Robert:
How do you like the structure of your life, like the hours saying Mass, Baptisms, Marriages?

Father Francis:
The hours are a killer for me. I am used to a routine. In college I would wake up at 5a.m. and take the bus. Everything had a schedule. Work was like that, too. What is disorienting about parish ministry is that people come in, you never know, you may schedule time to do homily preparation, but someone comes in. You have to adapt. There are some people who thrive on variety. You don’t get bored. It’s difficult though.

Robert:
How much time does it take to prepare homilies?

Father Francis:
It takes quite some time. We have Bible Study on Monday nights and it’s lectionary-based. So I start on Monday to prepare to teach that. Now, others are helping to instruct [so that helps.] I pray with the readings through the week. I usually don’t write the homily until Thursday or Friday, and then I come up with examples last.

Gary:
What is your greatest weekly joy?

Father Francis:
Confession and Anointing of the Sick are my favorite Sacraments. Confession is very life-giving for me. When I hear Confession, people want to be there. It is the most honest Sacrament. Anointing of Sick is like that as well. People are in their greatest need, so there is no faking it. Some people may say anything if they want to get married – you never know. Even with Confirmation, some kids are on fire with their faith; some are there because their parents make them come. Confession is probably the most life-giving.

Tabatha:
In the seminary, you do prayer communally. Once out of the seminary and in your priesthood, are there chances for you to pray within a community?

Father Francis:
In the rectory, everyone has their routine so we rarely do things together. We do eat dinner most days together. Saturday night is when we are required to eat together. Only by coincidence do we eat together at other meals. In the seminary, you do get used to the communal way of praying.

Ethan:
Aside from prayer your life with other priests, do you find opportunities to share? Let me backtrack…you are building relationships and forming bonds at the seminary…now you go into the priesthood where you are with priests you haven’t built that bond with yet.. is it tricky or do you just go with the flow?

Father Francis:
It is tricky; sometimes very tricky to bond. Sometimes it’s difficult to break into established groups. I do have a support group from the seminary. We connect once a month. There are four of us. I find spiritual direction once a month, my support group, my friends before seminary, while in seminary, and friends through the seminary are very important for me as well. They may or may not be priests.

Gary:
Is there anything we can do as laity besides praying to help priests who are so worn out?

Father Francis:
Being involved in ministry is very important. For example, at St. John Vianney, we have ministers that bring communion to the sick. We have others who help liturgically, the sacristans, religious educators all are helping us prepare. Sometimes all we need to do is establish a rapport with the parishioners and then administer the Sacraments because the prep work has been done for us. Lay involvement is important.




PRAYER IS WHOSE AMBASSADOR?
Conversation on the Liturgy of the Hours:

Father Paul: There was one little place in the Liturgy. Nicholas would you read, please.
In the Liturgy they have a reading of Scripture and then a reading of a Father of the Church or Saint -- a reading which has a lot of meaning to it. It’s like getting into the treasure chest of the Church. Nicholas has been venturing into this. It helps you pray through the day. Monks will be praying this. Let’s upon the treasure!

Nicholas: (From page 68 in the four volume Liturgy of the Hours: Friday after Ash Wednesday, 2nd Reading: A homily by Saint John Chrysostom, bishop)

“Prayer and converse with God is a supreme good: it is a partnership and union with God. As the eyes of the body are enlightened when they see light”

Father Paul: This one is tricky...they used to say you cannot see God and live. These helpful comments by John Chrysostom slow it way down to take a close look. That just gave you the key to let you know how that is possible.

Nicholas: “As the eyes of the body are enlightened when they see light, so our spirit, when it is intent on God, is illumined by his infinite light.”

Father Paul: God takes His own light. He gives us His spirit so that with our spirit having God’s downloaded light inside us, keeps that going. This is God’s own inner life. It gets deposited in us. This is St. John Chrysostom.
[Psalm 36:10 “In His light we see light.”]

Nicholas: (Page 69)
“I do not mean the prayer of outward observance but prayer from the heart, not confined to fixed times or periods, but continuous throughout the day and night.”

Father Paul: So this guy is talking about being a major user. What he is talking about is –– this Divine light in you. Once your spirit gets buzzed like this, it keeps going. Your spirit is not going to have a short range. This is the eternal light of God. Give it a little bit of space and our spirit has a capacity to get going.

Nicholas: “I do not mean the prayer of outward observance but prayer from the heart, not confined to fixed times or periods but continuous throughout the day and night.

Our spirit should be quick to reach out toward God, not only when it is engaged in meditation; at other times also, when it is carrying out its duties, caring for the needy, performing works of charity, giving generously in the service of others, our spirit should long for God and call him to mind, so that these works may be seasoned with the salt of God’s love.”


Father Paul: Can we breathe for a second? Does anybody have response to this? Are we getting a feel of what is going on here?

Ethan: I know sometimes when I get in some good prayer, Adoration, receiving the Eucharist, I get that buzz. When I meet other people, it is just going. I am actively a part of it; it is a living prayer. He is allowing me to respond… it’s difficult to put into words. It’s like I am part of the living prayer being lived out through me.

Kristin: You really see a difference when you are doing something on your own. With God, incredible things can happen when you are doing things with Christ.

Ethan: That’s it. I can go out and try to get things happening, or I can sit still and get buzzed. Then situations come in and I just respond to situations God is bringing to me.

Kristin: That’s the way it is when I am doing what God wants me to do, in the way He wants it done. When I don’t reflect in His Presence, it’s all too easy to spoil even the best work with my own weaknesses. Then, instead, bad habits flash back, and I don’t respond virtuously. You can’t be Virtuous without Christ. When you find yourself in the middle of difficult situations, it is much easier to forget Who you’re working for and slip back into the mode of taking over for (or from) Him. But what takes over isn’t Christ or Christ-like!

And more often than not, when you are working with and in Christ, everything you are doing that is good and perfect can be undone in an instant, because His Ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8; Wisdom 2:15). You can simply ask one question in the right way, and everything seems to turn upside-down. I spoke, at the recommendation of a Catholic attorney, to someone – I discovered after less than a minute or two into the conversation – who had defended Abortion Clinics. I had no idea! He suddenly said to me “I only take cases I agree with politically” and repeated that statement several times until I really comprehended and accepted what he meant. The room began to spin and I felt like I was dying. But that was me. Christ prompted and I found the Courage to ask, instead, if he would refer me to someone as competent as he was by reputation in civil and constitutional law. Turns out he was sure he knew just the right attorney. He referred me to his opponent. Now, I offered throughout Lent this year to pray for my Enemies. That referral may just get him into Heaven! All that is Christ.

Rosemarie: The Lord brought a new friend to me. We have prayed together. She reminds me to get up one half an hour early daily to pray at my bedside. It is new to me. It has kind of duped me. When I get to Mass, my being has already been turned on by the early morning prayer. In contrast, I got up early and put my pillow over my head. Then I got up and went to Mass but I wasn’t quite there…because I was tuned by prayer. I see the difference when I put the time in. My antennae are tuned into the Liturgy.

Nicholas: When I read the last sentence, it speaks deeper to me. It’s not going to Mass or praying in the morning. It’s more offering what I do for others. I make that action an extension of my prayer. “…and so make a palatable offering to the Lord of the universe.” So, it‘s not just Mass and morning prayer, it’s my actions, my soul. Whatever I am approaching, I am doing that with a mindset beyond formal or set times of the day. The way you approach them becomes a prayer. Here it is action and not what is going on in your head.

Roses: When I walk with the Lord, I have a yearning to serve him. He may ask things I do not understand. It’s only afterwards that I can see what beauty it is. I just follow. The pleasure of following is so great. This is what I yearn for. It fills me. There is nothing else that brings happiness to me. It’s a feeling in the heart and the soul that nourishes me. It makes me want to serve, to bow down for the mercy He has given me. Why wouldn’t I want to do it? Jesus Christ gave his life for me so that I may have a new life. So, prayer for me is on-going. It never ceases. It’s in my daily activities. It’s what I hear; it’s what He wants me to do.

Father Paul: Are we ready to go on?

Nicholas: “Throughout the whole of our lives we may enjoy the benefit that comes from prayer if we devote a great deal of time to it.

Prayer is the light of the spirit,”

Bob: It’s where the spirit lights us, maybe like words on a page.

Gabriel: Prayer enlightens the darkness you might have inside of you. It scares away the shadows. Instead it brings light and hope.

Father Paul: This guy was writing a long time ago…before there was a USA or before there was a Europe.
How could someone have written this so long ago? How can someone not let this rip open their lives?

Roses: When your heart is not open, you can’t hear it.

Jessica: So, I wanted to share a little bit, but it was not the moment yet. I wanted to share that my mom was sharing Saturday night, while, my dad was away in Mexico, and I slept next to mom. We went to bed late and she kept talking really late.

Father Paul: Take it slow. Let it expand for us.

Jessica: So that night, we were blessed, because we had Mass in our home. My mom is not practicing every Sunday, but now she is becoming more diligent as she has seen me grow. She comes from a poor village. She was ignorant of instruction about God. She received her First Holy Communion and Confirmation at the same time in her village. I am blessed to see how far she has come. Still she does not have much knowledge. She is becoming more open. She has always had her heart there. No matter the struggles, she is the only one working. ..for 6 children…me in college my brother in college… she wasn’t diligent about going to church, but her heart WAS diligent. Recently she told me the story of guy in gas station. She said, “I am putting gas and I am tired. A man comes up and asks, ‘Can I have spare change?’” She says to hold on. She is walking to the car. The guy says, “Oh my God, I can’t handle this addiction!” My mom says, “Addiction? Sir, Sir, you know what, if you ask God with your whole heart, He is the only one who will take it. You can go to AA, but if you don’t ask God with all your heart, if you don’t ask him, it’s not going to happen. She said, “I wanted to cry, but I said, ‘You have to be strong for him.’” The words were rushing out of her for him to be strong. The man started crying, “Oh Ma’am, thank you.” She said, “I have some change.” “No, Ma’am, I am fine.” My mom asked, “God what did you do with me? I am ignorant? God worked in me? How did you use me?”

She understands what I go through. What God is showing us in our daily lives. It goes along with the whole heart thing.

Summer: Seems like she had the gift of prayer at that minute.

Father Paul: Big time!

Romeo: What I am hearing is basically our spirit is responding to God’s graces. It is possible to experience
God in the physical while the spirit is in the spiritual. Prayer is habit-forming. Addicting. Romeo shared that he has had an experience with the spiritual coming into the physical. He continued…Our spirit deep down tries to express it’s own spirituality, to come to the surface. We can experience God in the physical. He just wants to touch us, if our antenna is out.

Father Paul: That’s what this poor John Chrysostom was doing.
Please re-read sentence…

Bob: “Prayer is the light of the spirit, true knowledge of God.”

Lucy: He was saying light of the spirit. Jessica’s mom was in light of the spirit. She was receiving light to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

Father Paul: It sounds ambiguous–– what prayer is. Jessica’s mom was doing something physical. Prayer is light of spirit….sounds like her spirit was lit up like a fire bomb and released into this guy. They didn’t even think they were praying, but there it was, kind of in your face.

Scottie: I was talking to this guy today, and lately I have been knowing when someone is Catholic. I can feel like a really good guess…like when they walk in, I know if they are going to church.

Father Paul: What kind of coffee was that you were drinking? ––It might have been tea.

Scottie: I was telling this guy I know who is Catholic, but not going to church. I was telling him about God and true knowledge of God. He had some funkiness keeping him from church. I was telling him that the Truth of God is to learn how to Love. The rules are rules, and if you break the rule, you broke up the party. Before reading Scripture without a deep prayer life, it was not true knowledge of God. He is a cool guy and I am trying to let him know the God I know and the way of Life I know. I guess he needs to experience it through prayer.

Father Paul: The guy at the gas station wasn’t praying and got true knowledge of God.

Summer: Maybe it was also that you were praying for your mom.

Kristin: Jessica’s mom was baptized and confirmed at a very early age. The earlier you receive these Sacraments, the deeper the effect these Sacraments have on your soul because your soul is able to receive them more worthily. There are people who will go hundreds of miles to have a bishop baptize their young children. These little souls then have the strength of God’s athletes at a very young and innocent age. They often show the most surprising ability and desire to evangelize others. They may not know all the specific dogmas, but it’s amazing to see how Christ and His Grace operate in the souls of those who have received these Sacraments worthily – how close to Christ the example of their daily lives is and how prayerful in a very deep way.

Sage shared an experience where her life was threatened and she felt Jesus’ presence and spirit with her at all times, so she was not afraid ––call out with all she was and had. She said that the next day she went to work to show her customers that she is a soldier. Sage said to never be afraid. She said Jesus takes everything away, even our fears.

Father Paul had Bob read:

“Prayer is light of the spirit, true knowledge of God, mediating between God and man. The spirit, raised up to heaven by prayer, clings to God with the utmost tenderness; like a child crying tearfully for its mother, it craves the milk that God provides. It seeks the satisfaction of its own desires, and receives gifts outweighing the whole world of nature.

Prayer stands before God as an honored ambassador. It gives joy to the spirit, peace to the heart. I speak of prayer, not words. It is the longing for God, love too deep for words, a gift not given by man but by God’s grace. The apostle Paul says: We do not know how we are to pray but the Spirit himself pleads for us with inexpressible longings.”

Ethan: “Prayer stands before God as an honored ambassador. It gives joy to the spirit, peace to the heart.”
The feeling I got is that prayer is God …prayer is the Spirit. When I see the Spirit, I see God standing before God, the honored ambassador coming before us.

Nicholas: I have a comment. I don’t understand “true knowledge of God,” and even the line after it [mediating between God and man]. Is it modifying the spirit?

Father Paul: Ethan was taking it the same way. If it is an ambassador from God, it is God’s own ambassador.

Nicholas: We don’t have it.

Father Paul: This is something God is sending. We don’t know how to prayer. God is his own ambassador praying in us.

Nicholas: That’s the comment I have. I can start to digest it. “It is the longing for God, love too deep for words, a gift not given by man but by God’s grace.”

Father Paul: Like Father Francis feeling duped. He has given us an advance to seduce us so that we can take the next load.

Nicholas: It is something you participate in. I am thinking of something specific. You are longing for it, you are drawn to it. You nurture it.

Father Paul: We cannot have a longing for it if you don’t know what it is, but there is something in us that has had a foretaste for it before.

Summer: What is the connection between prayer and charity? Pope Benedict said that the highest form of love is charity [agape]. Do you have any suggestions for nurturing what is charity?

Father Paul: Basically, we have this prayer spinning and going wherever we go.
Our spirit is pre-loaded to God saying, “Coach it along that way, toward God.
What should our spirits be doing? It started as main energy–– as longing for God–– during all these other things. So, what you are talking about while doing other charities, we keep the longing––longing for God.

Gary: a couple of things are on my mind. I think what I am hearing is that true charity comes from God Himself. We are to be Christ for each other and be Christ to each other. I think of Scottie, I think of your mom, Jessica. I see Christ that is in you, Scottie. And that gift that is in your mom, Jessica. That is His charity.

Father Paul: This writer [Chrysostom] is putting warning signs to keep in touch with the source [longing for God], or you might be getting unplugged.
What Summer was referring to is what the Pope said of Mother Teresa: She would say, “If you are not giving God, you are not giving enough.” Rather than only giving charity, you better be giving the source of your giving [who is God] so that God is what they are getting.

Gary: We should see Jesus in the other person.

Bob: I work with homeless one day a week. I try to do this thing and reach out. They are homeless for a reason. Sometimes they are rough and crude. Sometimes when they come at you so hard, it’s hard not to re-butt with meanness. It’s hard to give Christ back to them. I pray for patience to give God back to them.

We re-read the part about the ambassador.

Father Paul: Whose ambassador is it? Whose ambassador is prayer?

Rosemarie: [Referring to Jessica’s mom and the man] I am moved that the ambassador of that man allowed Jessica’s mother to hear his cry. What are the chances she would hear him, and in return, he [the ambassador] was there to speak through her. And all this happened in her longing and her cry.

Rob: These events happen every day…I love these things we hear in here. I work in a restaurant, and it is the same thing I deal with-needy–– the restaurant clientele–– demanding people––just different faces than the “homeless” Bob was mentioning.

Nicholas: When I think of these people, I think it is important to remember we are all people and we are all difficult to deal with….there are all kinds of people…I just wanted to make that reflection. I am the homeless person… dependant on others’ patience and generosity. I want to be careful not to set aside a group as “they”. It is challenging to deal with people. I am difficult for people also.

Father Paul: It seems Rob and you are on the same side of that reminder.

Rob: Yeah. I am leveling the field. My experience in this moment is that it is all the same. I need to hear this. I tend to want my experience to be unique and be arrogant about it. It is the great leveler. I needed to be taken down a notch to realize this is the human condition. Every day these experiences occur –– from the Divine and human combination. [Jesus is present anonymously – both human and divine – in each person]. It blows me away. I am in a different realm tonight. It must be the caffeine. I love it!

Ethan: “When the Lord gives this kind of prayer to a man, he gives him riches that cannot be taken away, heavenly food that satisfies the spirit. One who tastes this food is set on fire with an eternal longing for the Lord: his spirit burns as in a fire of the utmost intensity.”

Ron: They are describing contemplative prayer.

Ethan: When you were just sharing about the Holy Spirit going back between, that is the relationship with the Holy Trinity--the Father is treating us like the Beloved Son.

Gary: The gift of contemplation is from the Holy Spirit. Like the gift of tongues, we cannot desire it for ourselves. It is the Lord’s prayer for us and for the others…that His desires become our desires.

We read #715 in the Catechism of the Catholic Church regarding the Holy Spirit. [Actually, we read CCC #2713 on contemplative prayer as a communion in which the Holy Trinity conforms man into His likeness–– but #715 is nice too–– about the Holy Spirit as God’s dwelling with men in peace].

Nicholas: It makes prayer sound like a great thing you want to experience, but what if you are a person who hasn’t experienced this kind of prayer? What makes you want to taste it? How do you seek it?

Father Paul: I am thinking of Jessica’s mother. Something in the Ambassador was putting a signal out to this guy, and how they were in communion with each other. It gave him something to take the next step–– to go to the next step. Although not every time you meet someone will you do a fireball.

Nicholas: Today’s lesson…we all read too quickly! (Lots of laughter in the room)

Nicholas and Bob both read: (End of page 69-70 in Liturgy of the Hours)

“Practice prayer from the beginning. Paint your house with the colors of modesty and humility. Make it radiant with the light of justice. Decorate it with the finest gold leaf of good deeds. Adorn it with the walls and stones of faith and generosity. Crown it with the pinnacle of prayer. In this way you will make it a perfect dwelling place for the Lord. You will be able to receive him as in a splendid palace, and through his grace, you will already possess him, his image enthroned in the temple of your spirit.”

Amador: I love pride…if there was a girl named pride, I would date her!

I want to show my gifts. I am good at A B C D. Do I have to showcase everything? Does everyone have to know my gifts? Can I allow someone else to step in or step up and let them exercise their gifts? Do I always need to step in? The answer is, “ NO!” I need to be wiling to step in on short notice, but I need to exercise modesty. I should give thanks to God, but more so, restrain myself…let them use their talents God has given them.

Martha: You kept asking, “Whose ambassador? It is God sending the ambassador?” Once we are touched, we are never the same. We now have an ambassador to go back to God the Father. Unfortunately because of our humanness, we fall. When we fall, we need to humble ourselves. Sometimes it is a yo-yo. It forever changes us. We are not the same today as we are tomorrow.

Kristal: I guess I had some thoughts going back to modesty. Last Friday I went to a Healing Mass. We talked about the modesty of a Sister saying it was her first healing Mass. To hear Father Francis say that we are not all special, but we are all on the same level playing field… That is the most modest we could get.

Ethan: Jesus said I am meek and humble of heart.

Amador: Not to us Lord…but to your name give glory!

Martha: Most people at a Healing Mass don’t feel worthy. Whose ambassador is it? Do we really accept it? Are we the same? The Healing Mass was beautiful. You could see the spirit was changing people. Some people looked different. There were others acting emotionally different and spiritually thinking differently. They were in awe. I think if you allow that prayer to be absorbed, it does change you.

Ron shared a story about being at a mall and a man who was a veteran asking for money came up to him. He said they looked a lot alike. Ron said he was thinking to himself, That could be me, and then he got in the car and the song came on the radio singing, “What if God was one of us?” He said he was shell shocked and thought to himself, “Only by the grace of God has He made you who you are…only 1 year earlier…that could have been me who was sent to Viet Nam. It is an awesome moment seeing a homeless person as yourself.

Amador closed by reading Psalm 115: page 1231 from the Liturgy of the Hours:

“Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to your name give the glory for the sake of your love and your truth, lest the heathen say: ‘Where is their God?’”


Next meeting: Monday, March 23, 2009 “Bible Stories”